I am LIVID.
Yeah, I agree. It’s so hard as a friend to stand by and watch it happen, but often trying to say anything to either the friend or their boyfriend will just end up alientating you. I remember being a bad relationship and, while I knew my own situation was pretty crappy, I was furious at friends for trying to intervene. I think part of it is needing to make your own mistakes…
I guess it all depends on the severity of the “abuse,” though. Obviously, if its getting dangerous, your friend’s foolish pride be damned! Step in (with the help of the proper people) and defuse a time-bomb. However, you have to wonder why someone would stay in an emotionally abusive relationship? Not that it’s necessarily their fault (the psychology of codependence runs deep and beyond my understanding), but ultimately they are “choosing” to be in that situation (mostly). It’s EXTREMELY difficult to “choose” to extricate oneself. Maybe as a friend the best thing you can do is try to imbue your pal with pride, courage and examples of positive relationships: the tools they’ll need to make their escape…
1 year agoThe ony thing you can ever do for your girlfriends who traumatize themselves with inappropriate men and relationships is Sit and Wait, and just be there for them when it all falls apart. Anything else is fruitless all round. Fact.
I despise men who treat women like crap (well, I despise people who treat other people like crap, but ESPECIALLY men who treat women like crap).
I’ve watched this man treat my friend like SHIT for months now, and I CANNOT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I want to hurt him. Badly.
How dare he??? Who the FUCK does he think he is?
I haven’t said a goddamn word about it until now, but I just can’t stay silent anymore. I told him that he should be ashamed of himself, that it disgusts me to watch him emotionally abuse her, and after almost a year of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I’m DONE. He has fucked up for the last time, and I will do everything in my power to make sure she never speaks to him again.
Usually I limit my involvement in friends’ relationships to advice, but sometimes I wonder - especially when I hear shit like this - if more of us stood up for our friends and said “This behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE,” would we have to watch it happen over and over?
Maybe our complacency is the problem. We’re so worried about “minding our own business” that we neglect to actually do what’s right.
Do you agree? When is it okay to tell off your friend’s guy? When is it okay to stand up for her? I think everyone concurs that you can intervene at the level of physical abuse - but what about belittling her, making her feel like she’s nothing, yelling at her and generally being a total psychopath?
I swear to god, if I didn’t think this guy would crush me with his bare hands, I would slap him so hard his face would never recover.
I think some people are just drawn to similar situations over and over, see me friend that’s (seemingly) always entangled with unavailable men. You can say something (which I would) but it’s probably not going to change much.
If she’s already been with him for a year, she’s probably got this warped little vision of their relationship, and how he either needs her, or she’s somehow causing his behaviour.
If you do say something, be throughly prepared for it to be thrown back in your face.
